


Where Do We Go From Here?

by IvyBlooms



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Family, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 01:50:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyBlooms/pseuds/IvyBlooms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since that traumatic day, Ellie has been haunted by that same sickly scene in her dreams. His voice follows her and his face appears in her mind when she least expects it. He has ruined her sense of safety. When a similar incident occurs, will she be able to handle it? Joel is determined to make sure that she will. (Parental Joel and Ellie. Violence, swearing, sexual assault)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Do We Go From Here?

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!: This is rated M for a reason. There is mature language with intense, and most likely, disturbing sexual scenes. If you are uncomfortable with such content, I suggest you hit the back button right now and save yourself the grief. However, if you wish to continue then I request that I not hear any complaints as you have been sufficiently warned.
> 
> For those of you choosing to continue, I hope you enjoy
> 
> Beta'd By: Bleach-ed-Na-tsu

Ellie watched as she lay paralyzed on the floor, that disgusting face loomed above her, leering down her with a twisted smile. She tried to scream, attempted to wriggle away but all in vain as she found that she couldn't even twitch a finger and her voice seemed to become lost in the whirl wind of silence.

Ellie found herself in this position more times than she ever cared to remember and each time it was the same. Always the same, no matter how times she opened her eyes to the unwelcome face, she always struggled as if it were the first.

Ellie watched in horror as the hand around her neck loosened and trailed down to her jacket zipper. She could feel her mouth open, gaped in a silent scream of terror. Those grimy appendages caked in mud and blood, took their sweet time as they stroked the cool metal of the zipper, circling it teasingly as if waiting for an invitation. And all the while, those eyes remained connected with hers, never looking away. Ellie always found that to be the most disturbing. Not the traveling fingers or the uncomfortable hardness that she felt near her stomach. Not the paralyzed muscles or even her sudden muteness. It was those eyes. Dark and brown and full of malice. He wanted to hurt her and he was going to if she didn't do something soon.

Again Ellie tried to scream, though somewhere in the deepest recesses of her mind, she knew it would do no good because she had been here before and she knew how it ended.

Those stained fingers finally took their prize and clasped the silver trophy, pulling it down slowly as if savoring the win. Ellie cringed as she listened the sharp sounds as it came undone. She felt tears escape her eyes and drip onto the wood below. She found it odd, how she couldn't move or scream but that she could still cry like a baby.

The other hand, that had remained limp and useless beside her head, now rose and stroked down her cheek at a slow pace. She felt sick. She always did.

"Ellie." The face finally spoke its first of many words. "Ellie, you're special you know."

She felt her insides turn as those fingers finally slipped inside her jacket, cupping her right breast. She gasped and whimpered.

"And I'm going to show you how special…"

"Ellie! Ellie!"

Her eyes shot open and Ellie found herself back in her proper place. Back in reality, staring at a warehouse style ceiling. She recognized the voice calling her and turned to face the only person that could possibly offer her comfort and not catch an uppercut for treating her so delicately.

"Joel." She sighed, the scruffy face becoming more clear as she blinked away the grogginess.

"You were twisting around a lot." He explained, though he didn't need to. Ellie didn't like to admit it but this was a near everyday occurrence.

She nodded and rubbed her eyes roughly, noticing a humiliating wetness. She quickly brushed it away and shook her head, attempting to wash away the terrible memories. It never worked.

"S-so, what's for breakfast?" Ellie questioned as she hopped up. Divert attention away from the situation.

Joel watched as Ellie made her way shakily to the sink. It made her feel uncomfortable with the way her watched her so closely so she shut the door behind her. Tommy's settlement had managed to get electricity running in this place and they were now working on a plumbing system. They managed to get water running through the sinks and showers. Joel had expressed how nice it was to be able to shower as he hadn't had a real one since the outbreak happened. Ellie had laughed at the glee the usually solemn man had shown the day that Tommy revealed the plumbing improvements.

Ellie approached the cracked mirror on the wall and stared at her reflection. She looked awful. Red rimmed eyes and dark purple circles beneath them, showing the lack of sleep and fitful nights she had. Her hair was greasy and disheveled, she hadn't showered in three days. Tommy had put limitations on the water usage after everyone started going a little crazy and showering every time they got a little sweaty. Ellie supposed she was entitled to a shower.

She methodically stripped herself and twisted the knob, water came pouring out. While Tommy hadn't worked out how to get heated water through the pipes yet, Ellie didn't mind and neither did most anyone else.

She stepped under the cold spray and simply stared at the white tile ahead. Using her hands, she wiped away days of worth of sweat and dirt, dipping her hair under the stream and giving it a good scrub. She was out as quick as she'd hopped in because while she didn't mind the cold temperature for a few minutes, anything longer than that would result in a numbness that was not the least bit pleasant.

As her feet touched the cold tile below, she was reminded of the cold floor in her dream. At the time, it hadn't been cold but in her dream…nightmare, the floor had been cold as ice and something she wanted nothing more than to escape form. Ellie shivered and whimpered as the entire dream seemed to crash down around her. She fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around her naked self. Those hands, those disgusting roaming hands!

"Calm down, Ellie." She whispered softly. Self-soothing was something she found to be quite useful. "It's okay. It's over."

But it wasn't over. It would never be over and she knew it. That moment in her life, that one snippet, would continue to haunt her for the rest of her days. That thought caused her breath to hitch and the walls appeared to be closing in on her.

"No…" She whispered. "Please, stop! Fuck, just stop!" She couldn't breathe, she couldn't see! Nothing but those eyes, those eyes that seemed to pierce through her clothes and her skin and see straight into her very being and rip it all to shreds!

"Ellie, are you alright in there?"

"Joel." She gasped as she remembered where she was and who was on the other side of that door. Quickly getting a hold of herself, she reached over and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around herself.

"I-I'm fine." She called back weakly. "I just…uh…slipped. Fucking tile is slippery, man." She gave a halfhearted giggle and struggled to get to her feet, grabbing onto the base of the tub for support.

"You sure?" Joel knew she lying and Ellie knew that he knew. But it was like an unwritten, unspoken rule between the two of them. Don't offer help until asked.

"Yeah, definitely." She answered a bit more confident.

There was a pause on the other side and for a moment, Ellie assumed he had left. But then he spoke up again. "Okay then. I'll meet you downstairs."

"Sure!" She answered and listened as the man's steady footsteps faded away.

She sighed in irritation at her weakness and wiped herself off in rough frustration. As fast as she could, Ellie yanked on her clothes and followed the sweet smell of sausage.

Tommy had converted one of the storage buildings into a sort of mess hall. It was nice enough, Ellie supposed. There wasn't much they could do in terms of decorating or furniture. Most of the "tables" and "chairs" were old boxes pushed together and covered with tarps. It wasn't a five-star establishment but it was home and it was something that Ellie found comfort in.

She spotted Joel right away, sitting in his usual spot in the corner with Tommy and Maria. He was munching on what appeared to be a piece of toast. Tommy really was a genius when it came to improving this place and making it livable. He managed to track down some wild boar in the woods and instead of killing them, he captured them and brought them back to use as livestock. In the past few months they'd managed to produce another generation. Tommy had also scrounged up seedlings from an abandoned farmhouse not too far from the settlement and had started a small vegetable garden. Basically, they weren't eating like kings but they weren't starving anymore.

Ellie approached the "table" slowly as she noticed that Joel seemed to be engrossed in a serious conversation with the two other adults. Maria had an angered expression, lips pursed and eyes narrowed, but that was normal for the woman, especially when speaking to Joel. The two maintained a friendly relationship but Ellie didn't think Maria had quite forgiven Joel for almost taking her husband away all that time ago.

When Ellie finally reached the small group of adults, Joel gave her a small grin and patted the empty box beside him. "Bout time you made it down here. I made you a plate."

Ellie noticed the steaming plate in the empty spot. Two sausage links and a piece of toast. Honestly, she didn't think she could stomach any food without throwing it all back up but she knew Joel would not tolerate her denying food. Once each other's health was in jeopardy, the silent rule between them became void.

"Thanks." She said as cheerfully as she could manage. "I was hoping you would. These fucking guys are savages at meal time." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder at a group of guys huddled around the last sausage link.

Joel chuckled and pointed to her plate. "Now eat."

"Yes sir." She obeyed, sitting down and slowly nibbling on her toast slice.

Maria smiled Ellie's way and said gently. "So, Ellie, how was your night? Sleep well?"

Ellie smiled back at the blonde and nodded. "Yup, sure did. Except when Joel started shaking me awake. Damn, I was in the middle of a good dream." Bullshit, bullshit, double bullshit. She mentally shouted. But she wasn't about to discuss her inner demons with Maria, no matter how much she liked the woman.

"That's good." Maria praised, as if speaking to a small child. "Cause we've got our work cut out for us today! We're heading on down to the dam. Some of our men said they caught sight of some fish swimming around."

Almost immediately after she'd finished speaking, Joel slammed his fist down onto the box. He glared intensely at the blonde. "I told you, she ain't fucking going down there." He spit. "It's too dangerous and didn't your men also say they thought they saw some shadows creeping around."

Maria rolled her eyes and waved him off. "We haven't seen any bandits in a few months. I think we're safe. Besides, you can't keep babying her. She's got to start pulling her own weight now that you two are official members of the community."

Ellie met Joel's eyes. She could tell that he was completely against the idea and the unspoken reminder of her not knowing how to swim was floating around too. However, after escaping from the Fireflies, Joel had agreed that Ellie was more than capable of making certain decisions on her own now without him. Not to mention that he was in full agreement about the, now, fifteen year old starting to work.

"I'll be fine, Joel." Ellie finally admitted with a small smile. "I've been through worse, right?"

"Then it's settled." Maria announced. "We'll leave in an hour. Get yourself ready and be sure to bring a pistol at least. As paranoid as Joel can be, he's right. We should be careful."

Joel sighed and gave the woman a halfhearted scowl as she wandered off to ready herself.

Tommy laughed at his brother's antics and jumped to his feet, seemingly in a chipper mood all of a sudden. "Well, I'm off to see about them pipes. I'll see you guys at lunch time." He waved and he too took off.

This left the two survivors with only each other's company, something the two of them were used to and found great comfort in. Ellie admitted that it was nice to be around people again and live in community where you didn't have to always worry about where your next meal was coming from or if you were going to get mugged while you were sleeping. Ellie couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so safe, aside from her time with Joel. Even at the military school she'd attended, thievery was common and the kids were like little mini savages in the making. The military officers even encouraged them to have conflict between each other, weed out the weak.

"Only the strong survive in this world." Ellie recalled the headmistress saying on her first day there, packed in the tiny warehouse which was considered their gymnasium. "If you can't survive in here then what the fuck makes you think that you'll survive out there?! Out there, nobody cares about you! There are no bleeding hearts. They will shoot you through the head in a heartbeat for your shoes! So don't think for a second that anyone will take pity on you just because you're kids! Those days are gone!"

The woman was a raging bitch and she went out of her way to pick on the small fries who she knew couldn't defend themselves. Ellie remembered on several occasions being the barrier between a cane and a six year old. While Ellie had disagreed with her methods of teaching the kids to survive, she couldn't help but admit to herself that it had been an effective one. Ellie wouldn't have known half the stuff she did without that fucking troglodyte beating it into her.

"Ellie." Joel interrupted after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "I want you to be careful out there."

Ellie brought her eyes up to Joel and smiled at him. "Who do you think you're talking to? I'm always careful."

Joel gave her a playful glare before returning to his breakfast with an uneasy frown. Ellie could see the stress practically come off of him in waves and it was making her nervous. The settlement hadn't seen a bandit attack in well over a month and people were beginning to grow content with the peaceful times. They were growing careless and sloppy, something that Joel had mentioned to Ellie a lot lately and cautioned her against.

"It's times like these, times of peace, when people become too comfortable. They become careless and lazy; think they no longer have anything to worry about. And that, Ellie, is how people die."

Those were the words that Joel had spoken to her last night before he dozed off. Yes, that was true. She noticed that a significant amount of the community had begun taking things "slowly". Even Tommy and Maria seemed more laid back and content. Ellie couldn't help but want to join them in the relaxation of it all but Joel was right. It times like this, you should be focused the most because it was peaceful towns like this that were always targeted and fell first.

XXXX

Ellie approached the meeting point with a steady walk, head held high. She'd put on some hiking boots, lacing them up tight, and slipped on a thick jacket. They had a little bit of a walk until they got to the dam and Joel had said that it looked like it was going to rain.

Ellie glanced up at the sky and it was as blue and clear as it had ever been. But if there was one thing she'd learned over the course of nearly two years, it was to always trust Joel's instincts. Rarely did they ever prove to be wrong.

Maria was busy stuffing some fishing gear into a back pack when she noticed Ellie approaching. She waved at her with a smile and threw the bag over her shoulder.

"I've got everything we're going to need in here." She said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder to the pack. "You got your pistol?"

Ellie opened the left side of her jacket and showed off the neat little holster that Joel had sewn in for her. Nestled inside was her fully loaded pistol.

"Looking good." Maria complimented before patting the side pocket on her back pack. "I've got one too, just in case. But I think we'll be fine. The scouters haven't caught sight of anyone in a long time."

Ellie looked around and noticed that they were the only two standing at the gate. "Is it just us going?" She asked skeptically.

It was very unusual. Even on simple hunting trips or outer wall repairs, you always took a group of at least four with. Safety in numbers and all that.

Maria nodded as she pulled a small hunting knife from her pocket and gave a minor inspection before placing it back from where she'd pulled it. "Everyone's busy with repairs and getting the heating system up and running."

Maria must have noticed the girl's concerned look because she gave her a tiny reassuring smile. "Don't worry, El." She said soothingly. "I'll scope out the area first and if there's any sign of trouble, we'll head straight back. I wouldn't put you in any danger. I think Joel might just string me up by my toes and burn me alive if I let anything happen to you."

Ellie didn't know wither to reassured by that statement or not. Something about this whole situation made her feel very uneasy and the giant lead ball in the pit of her stomach was telling her to back out. But Maria was already having the gate opened.

"Ready?" She asked.

Ellie stared out at the foreboding pathway which led to the dam. "I guess so." She answered, trying to sound confident, though really feeling the exact opposite.

Maria either didn't notice the slight waver in her voice or simply ignored it because she was already walking by the time Ellie finished.

XXXX

The hike out the dam was relatively short but it had just stormed a few nights ago and the ground was still soft from the lingering moisture. Ellie almost wished the walk was longer. The scenery was beautiful here and the trees were so tall. The canopy of the forest was like a whole other world, one that Ellie would never get to experience herself. Sometimes she envied the birds which could so freely fly away in that world.

"Ellie, we're here." Maria interrupted the teen's fantasizing with an iron truth.

Ellie sighed and peeked out over the edge of the brush, taking in the equally lovely sight of running water. The crashing sound of the water as it slammed against the rocks and swirled with each current was fascinating to the girl and she watched in amazement and Maria pulled out a pair of binoculars from her pack.

"I'm just going to take a quick look around the perimeter." She explained as she placed the tool to her eyes. Ellie watched as the woman conducted her search before seeming satisfied and putting the looking glasses away.

"We're all clear." She announced. "Let's get started."

Ellie followed Maria down to the edge of the raging water and watched as the blonde pulled out some wire and shortened harpoon looking items.

"Afraid we don't actually have any fishing poles." Maria sighed, clearly irritated. "So we'll just have to make do with these." She handed Ellie one of the mini harpoons and pulled out some wire, starting to tie the silver strands around the girl's tiny waist.

Ellie, startled by this backed up. "Whoa! What are you doing?!"

Maria let out a small laugh and held up the wire. "We didn't have any rope so we have to use some wire that we found in the storehouse. It's pretty strong."

"Why are you tying it around me though?" She asked, tensing up as the woman continued to wrap the silvery strands around her.

Maria met Ellie's eyes with an almost apologetic twinkle. But Ellie knew Maria better than that. The woman was a strong person, hardened by the tough times, much like Joel had been. She didn't apologize.

"You're lighter than I am, obviously." She stated dryly. "You wouldn't be able to pull me back in if I lost my footing. I, however, think I can manage to reel back your skinny butt."

Ellie's eyes widened when she realized exactly what the blonde was intending for her to do. Ellie's gaze flickered to the violent currents and then back to Maria. "I-I don't know how to swim." She insisted, her voice strained. Surly Joel must have told her about that!

Maria nodded, bringing the wire once more around the girl's waist before tying it into a thick knot. "I know. But don't you worry, I won't let you drown out there."

Ellie knew the words were meant to comfort and calm her nerves but they did the exact opposite. Ellie felt her heart quicken and her breath become shallow and fast. If there was one thing that frightened Ellie more than the twisted man in her dreams, it was the clear liquid of the earth that never seemed to be on her side.

"I really don't think this is a good idea." Ellie tried once more. "What if you lose your grip or what if the wire snaps?"

Maria sighed as she leaned over her pack to get more wire, starting to connect the two strands together with the hope of adding length. "Look Ellie. I like you kid, a lot actually. I think of you like a little sister. But you've been babied too long." She gave Ellie a hard look. "Joel's partially to blame for that. He's been cutting you slack since the day he took you in and now you don't know how to do nothing for yourself."

The claim felt like a slap in the face to Ellie. She almost reeled back physically. She wanted nothing more than to scream into the woman's face about how completely wrong she was. While Ellie had learned half of her survival instincts and know-how from the military academy, the other half had come from Joel. The man had not always been the "cuddly" soft person he was towards Ellie now. When the two had first met, he'd been cold and distant and tried to speak with her as little as possible. But Ellie held her tongue. Maria was Tommy's wife and the last thing Ellie wanted was to cause problems between the newly reunited brothers. She knew Joel would take her side. He always took Ellie's side and that little fact made her smile.

Maria mistook the smile for confidence and went on. "You'll be fine, Ellie. You're not that heavy and as long as you don't go out too far, the current shouldn't be a problem."

Ellie, still unconvinced, simply nodded and followed Maria over to the edge. She stared down into the clear liquid as it shimmered in the sunlight of the afternoon. Indeed, she did see a few fish swimming happily in the water, ignorant of their future fate.

Maria laid a soft hand on Ellie's shoulder and motioned to the water. "Now, just go slow. Don't rush in or you'll lose your footing and scare the fish away. But be quick when you go to spear them. These little suckers are fast."

Ellie nodded and slowly placed her foot into the water. She shivered at the chilly temperature but continued until her toes touched the bottom. The water come up just over her knees and she felt her stomach churn. She wasn't even a quarter of the way out yet.

Slowly, very slowly, Ellie slid her other leg in and took her first step out. The giant drop caught her off guard. Suddenly, her leg plunged down, bringing the other half of her body with, and she was covered from the belly down. Maria lied! The current was strong!

"Ellie! You okay?!" Maria shouted over the roar of the waves.

Ellie didn't know herself. She was still standing, the drop had only startled her. She gave the woman a thumbs up. "Yeah, yeah. Just caught off guard!"

Maria nodded and tightened her grip on the wire, giving Ellie a bit more length to wander further. Ellie groaned and took another step hesitantly. For the most part, the floor of the dam seemed relatively flat. She heaved a sigh of relief and then began to focus on her main task. The fish.

Spotting a few sparkling bodies in below, Ellie made her first move to spear one. Bringing the tiny harpoon above her head, Ellie brought it down with such force that it cut through the water with no problem. The only issue was that she had completely missed and the fish was already joyfully swimming away.

"Fuck..." She mumbled.

Never the quitter though, she tried again when another sparkling speck caught her eye. However, the same thing occurred once again. And again. And again. And again.

Ellie was growing frustrated. The damn things were fast! And the water was too deep to be able to spear them this way.

Grumbling hotly under her breath, she turned around to tell Maria this when she suddenly caught sight of someone lurking in the bushes. Ellie paused, squinting, trying to get a good look at them to see if it was one of their guys coming to check up on them.

But no, the man crept out from his coverage and was slowly approaching Maria, who had her back turned. He had a long, tangled, pepper colored beard and a pointed nose. A hunting knife was raised over his head.

Maria, who had been inspecting the wire hadn't seemed to notice the presence behind her. When she glanced up and saw that Ellie was just standing there, she frowned.

"What are you doing, Ellie?!" She called.

Ellie gasped and screamed as loud as she could, causing her to let out an unpleasant screeching. "Maria, behind you!"

Maria jumped at the shriek and whipped around just in time before the man had plunged that knife right through her skull. "Shit!"

Ellie watched as Maria tried to shake out the pistol in her back pack with one hand, as the other was holding onto the wire. But she wasn't quick enough as the man landed a rather solid punch to the blonde's face.

"Maria!"

She went down, head slamming against a rock on the way. When she landed, she didn't move. Ellie panicked but before she had time to let the real worry settle in, the pressure that had been holding her was gone and the current slammed into her harder than it ever had before, knocking her off her feet.

Ellie let out a scream as she plunged face first into the unforgiving current. She desperately tried to replant her feet on the ground but she couldn't find it! The water swung her around like a rag doll, bashing her against the rocks and ground. Ellie tried to keep her mouth shut but when half her face smacked against a rock, she gasped in agony and a rush of water filled her mouth.

Goddamn! She cursed in her mind. Is this really the fucking end?! After everything...this is how I'm going to die?!

Ellie could feel the water sloshing in her mouth as she closed her lips. It was too late, she needed air!

BAM! Right into another rock she slammed. This time however, she stopped moving.

Ellie acted fast. Even as light headed and panicked as she was, she still could think clearly. She wrapped her arms around the rock, pushed her legs down, gripping the muddy underneath as firmly as she could. Finally, she spit out the water in her mouth and let out lung aching coughs, hacking out all the liquid.

"Fuck-" Cough "-Son of a" Cough "-bitch!"

Remembering that she wasn't the only one in peril, Ellie quickly looked over her shoulder and noticed...she hadn't really drifted all that far. In fact, it only appeared that she had been swept away about ten feet from her original spot. It just felt like miles due to the abruptness of it all.

The man stood over Maria, leering at her in a very familiar and sickening way. Ellie felt her heart stop and then leap out of her chest.

"Get the fuck away from her!" She screamed.

The man seemed to hear her because he made direct eye contact with Ellie and made an odd waving motion with his arm. Suddenly, two more guys popped out from the bushes, each making a bee line for Ellie.

"Shit!" She growled.

"Hey there, little darlin'" One of them purred. He was old and wrinkled with leathery brown skin and yellowed teeth. He gave her a wink. "Looks like yer in a bit of a pickle ain't ya?" He asked, slurred and very accented like he was from the deep south.

Ellie felt her temper simmer at the disgusting man as he stroked an invisible beard on his chin. However, the second man approached with a rather malicious glint in his eyes. Ellie froze. They looked just like-

"Aw, look at her Johnny!" The second man bellowed as if highly amused.

He was much younger than the other two men, maybe late thirties. His skin was soft and pale and he had very large lips. Unnaturally large and Ellie had to wonder if he was recently in a fight because they looked rather swollen.

"Should we pull 'er out?" The elder of the two, Johnny, asked.

Ah, Ellie saw now. The young man was the ring leader. It made sense since he was young and still obviously in shape. These two geezers with their skinny, boney asses probably wouldn't make it far without someone like him.

The younger one smirked sadistically and leaned down, crouching at the edge. "That depends on her attitude. Maybe if she begs very nicely, I'll consider getting her out."

Ellie was disgusted. He was exactly like David.

"What do ya say, sweetheart?" Johnny asked teasingly. "Ya gonna give us somethin' nice if we fish ya out?"

"Fuck you, assholes!" She spat, though her voice shook from the cold of the water.

"Aw, that wasn't too nice." Johnny whined childishly. "I guess we ain't gonna help ya."

"No, wait." The younger said with a smile. "She's a feisty one." At Johnny's bewildered expression the younger continued. "Don't you remember what the feisty ones are like? Probably not since you haven't been laid since the early sixties. But the fiery ones like her...they're always the best and they always scream the loudest."

Ellie almost vomited right there. He was a carbon copy of David. Granted, David wasn't as forward as this guy but they both had that same look. The look that a hunter gives before it takes down it's pray. And Ellie knew...she was the pray.

Johnny didn't seem at all offended by the other's insult and merely reached in, ready to follow the unspoken order of dragging her ass out. Ellie resisted.

"Get your fucking hands off me!" She shrieked, the water sloshed around her face and beat against her which just made it even harder to fight off the old fart. "Touch me and I'll bite your fucking finger off!" She threatened again.

Johnny did not seem at all affected by her threats and gripped her arm, hauling her up and over the edge. The younger one gave off an obnoxious snort and laughed as he reached down, grabbing the hood of Ellie's jacket and dragging her back over to Maria and his buddy.

Ellie tried to move but the shock of being out of the water and the chill settled into her bones and she shivered violently.

"What do you think of her, Charlie?" The younger one asked the bearded man. "You always liked the blondes right?"

Charlie nodded with a satisfied smirk. "Oh yeah. I fucked me a lot of blondes and let me tell you, they always gave the best head!"

Ellie choked at the vulgar language and tried twisting her head to get a better look at "Charlie".

Actually, Charlie wasn't as old as she'd originally thought. He actually had a very young face but the peppered beard gave the illusion of him being elderly. Maybe that was the trick, to fool people into thinking he was just a harmless old man.

The ring leader nodded. "Well, you can have her. Though it doesn't look like you'll be getting any head for a while." He laughed, referring to the unconscious state of Maria.

Charlie groaned but in a sexual way and Ellie felt her body give a shiver, it wasn't from the cold this time.

"Fuck it! I don't care. I just need to shove my cock somewhere other than in my hand! Seriously, the last time I had a good fuck was...jeez...months ago!"

"Yeah, we're all in the same boat, Charlie boy. Especially poor ol' Johnny." The man laughed sickeningly. "I mean, when was the last time you think he had a good lay?!"

Charlie laughed and started dragging Maria by her hair over to a soft grassy patch. "Yeah, I suppose I should count my lucky stars that it hasn't been that long!"

Ellie now decided to interrupt the disgusting banter. "You fucking let her go!" She screamed, kicking against the ground, her hands clawing at the fingers which clutched her hood. "Fucking touch her and I'll chop your damned dick off and then you won't have to worry about finding places to stick it anymore!"

Both the men paused and then let out boisterous laughs that echoed off the trees.

"You got yourself a feisty one there don't you, Mark?" Charlie asked with a chuckle.

Mark laughed and grabbed a fistful of Ellie's hair, causing the girl to grunt in pain. "You bet, and she's all mine."

Ellie kicked until she managed to flip herself over and get to her feet, acting fast, she threw a solid kick to Mark's knee cap, hearing a satisfying pop.

"Ack! Fuck!" He screamed, going down like a sack of sand. "You fucking little bitch!"

Ellie, running on instinct now, reached into her jacket and, surprisingly found, that her pistol was still encased inside. She whipped it out and pointed it straight at Charlie.

"Drop her! Now! Or I'll blow that fucking head right off your shoulders!" She screamed, hoping he could hear the seriousness behind her threat. She had no problem shooting people, especially someone like him.

When she saw that Charlie was not going to drop Maria and even had the audacity to chuckle, she began to pull the trigger. She couldn't wait to see the fuckers blood running down into the river. However, before she even had the chance, she took a rather violent blow to the head.

"Fuck!" She snarled, going down. Ellie's shoulder smacked against the hard rocky ground beneath and the wind was practically knocked right out of her with a violent kick to the stomach. Blinking away the pain, she found that it had been Johnny.

The old man spat out a brown wad onto the ground beside him and wrapped his veiny hand around her throat. "Ey' little darlin'." He growled. "What's this? That ain't lady like behavior."

Ellie coughed and wheezed as she tried to regain her air supply, however Johnny saw that she didn't. He tightened his hold on her neck and Ellie felt the air dwindle until all she had was a straw sized pathway or what felt to be that way.

"Fucking fuck!" Mark cried in agony, still gripping his clearly dislocated knee. "Kill that little psycho bitch!"

Johnny raised an eyebrow at his "boss" before reaching for Ellie's gun and shooting him right through the head. Ellie was awestruck and stopped struggling, simply staring at the widened eyes of the even more shocked Mark. He fell backwards and gave a quick convulsion before his eyes rolled back and all that was visible were the thin red lines of his eyes. He was dead.

"Damn Johnny!" Charlie whooped as if he'd been expecting this the whole time. "I didn't think you had the balls to pull the trigger! Good job!"

Johnny joined in the other's gleeful cheers, pumping his fist into the air like some youthful jock at a football game, releasing Ellie in the process. Spittle flew from his mouth as he cried in victory, actually throwing the pistol away into the adjacent brush. He slammed into the Charlie's chest and they gave each other a satisfied high five. The slap of the flesh echoed through the trees.

Ellie took this moment of distraction to leap past them and dive into the brush. The thorns ripped and tore and her bared hands but she ignored the sharp pain and felt for the cool metal of the pistol. There!

She found it, gripping it tight she whipped the gun out of the bushes and pointed it straight at the two men. They stared at her, wide eyed and surprised.

"Fuck!" Charlie snarled. "You threw the damn gun, Johnny!"

Johnny looked crestfallen. "It was an accident!"

"Shut-up!" Ellie shrieked, thoroughly fed up with these two. "Shut-up and get the fuck down!" She pointed the pistol downwards, indicating the ground.

"Look, we're sorry!" Charlie cried. "My girlfriend died when the outbreak first happened! I haven't had any in a long time!" He dry sobbed, as if this were a valid excuse.

Ellie shot him in the leg.

"Awfck!" He screamed agony clear in his voice.

"I said get down." Ellie said calmly. "You're not very good at taking orders, are you?"

Charlie collapsed onto his back, gripping his bleeding wound. "You bitch!"

"I didn't say you could speak." She pulled the trigger again, this time getting his other leg.

Charlie screamed curses and every insult he could think of. Ellie watched on in silence, waiting. Finally he was quiet.

Johnny, who had been watching the scene unfold, quickly fell to his knees, head bowed in submission, obviously fearing the same fate which had befallen his partner. Tears pooled in his dull eyes and spilled down his dirty cheeks in tiny trails.

He sobbed pathetically. "Please! We're sorry! We were only doing what we were told! I woulda never hurt ya'!"

Ellie did feel pity for him. She couldn't help it as Johnny seemed to be a tad slow in the head and really was only following orders. It was the only thing he knew how to do or, rather, was trained to do.

"Stay still." Ellie ordered sternly, turning her attention to the much more intelligent and sane Charlie. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Charlie lay curled on the ground in the fetal position, clutching his bleeding wounds. "Fucking dumb bitch! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

Ellie stomped her foot hard on his leg. "Are there more of you?" She asked, cocking the gun at him menacingly.

"Fuck you!"

She pressed harder.

"Agh! Goddamn! No! No! We're the only ones!" He cried painfully. "Fuck! Get off me!"

Ellie pressed her foot down and watched with fascination as the sticky red juice soaked her boot. "Why are you here? How did you know there were people here?"

"Agh! C'mon!" He snapped. "We just heard some rumors! That's all! We figured we'd check it out just to be sure! People are always spreading talk about there being communities outside of the military! We figured we could find us some food!"

"And a few other things apparently?" Ellie sneered.

"Look, you don't understand! You're a broad! You don't have needs!"

Ellie was disgusted. She could picture David's face in her mind, leering at her and giving his bullshit excuses for why he thought it was okay for him to force himself upon her. These men…these…savages were no different than animals. And they had to be put down like animals.

Ellie cocked her pistol at Charlie's head. It would give her pleasure to do away with him and rid the world of this piece of shit. She would be saving countless other women and children. The defenseless that did not have guns or allies that would come to their rescue. He was a cancer to the world and his kind had to be stopped.

So why was it so hard to pull the trigger then? It wouldn't have been the first time she'd killed someone. She'd slaughtered David and it had been far more violent than a simple bullet to the head. Still, her hand shook and the silver gun shined teasingly at her, almost as if it were mocking her inability to use it.

"Ellie! Ellie!"

Her name…someone was calling her. Who?

"Ellie, sweetheart!"

Oh, she knew that voice. That loud and gruff voice which demanded respect and attention. He had saved her in so many ways already and here he was to do it again. Part of Ellie scolded her for being so dependent on the man, she ought to learn to be self-sufficient! After all, he wouldn't be around forever. That fleeting thought caused her heart to pound painfully in her chest, the fact that Joel was not immortal was obvious but Ellie had never truly considered what she would do once he was gone. Once she was alone again.

"Ellie!"

Those muscled arms encased her frail body and Ellie willingly melted into the embrace, closing her eyes and breathing in his woodsy smell. It was a scent she had grown accustomed to and it had somehow developed into a comforting mechanism for her. At one point in her life, she would have been quite ashamed of herself. But now…now Ellie found that she just couldn't bring herself to care anymore. The world was crashing down around her and Joel seemed to be the only pillar of light in this hell that they lived in. She was determined to cling to it.

"Joel." She whimpered softly, finally finding the courage to speak. "Joel. Joel. Joel." She repeated the name as if it were prayer, clutching at his tattered jacket and burying her face further into his chest as if it would shield her from all the terrors of the world.

"You're alright now." Joel cooed in her ear, squeezing her to his firm chest. "You're okay."

And Ellie knew, she just knew in her heart, that she would be.

XXXX

Ellie couldn't remember much about the trek home. Fuzzy images of Tommy and a herd of other community members swarming the area swam up through the chaotic sea that was her mind. Watching Tommy crouch over his wife with a look of bone crushing agony on his face as he felt for a pulse and the expression of pure relief when he found what he was looking for. Jumbled voices all conjoining into one mass of chaos and noise around her and then Joel shushing them all harshly. The green of the tree tops which Ellie had been admiring earlier, passed by her fluttering eyes in a blur. And then…then there was nothing.

Ellie had awoken with a throbbing headache and stiff muscles sometime in the early morning. She could tell because the sun always rose on their side of the building, allowing streams of gold to pour through the cracks of the boarded windows and the soft chirps of birds to slip through. It was how Ellie usually woke, with blinding sun in her eyes and gentle tweeting in her ear. While Joel always grumbled about it, Ellie found that it was a rather nice way to wake up. Waking up to the sun on her face and feeling the soothing warmth on her skin, it reminded her that she was alive.

Ellie sat up despite her body's protesting and gave a glance around the room. Joel wasn't there and it was deathly quiet, signaling that everyone had either abandoned the east side of the building or was still snoozing away. Around here, sleeping in was practically a sin. You were up at dawn if anything was to get done or if you wanted food in your belly for the day.

Slowly, with the clumsiness of a toddler, Ellie rose from her mattress and approached the bathroom. The tile was cool to the touch as she padded over to the shower head; twisting the nozzle and watching as the spray came sputtering down in uneven streams. She stuck her hand underneath the weak spray of water and sighed as the iciness touched her skin. Tommy still hadn't gotten the heater working apparently.

Not wasting any more time, Ellie peeled off her sweaty clothes from the previous day and stepped into the shower, making her wash quick but efficient. She scrubbed harshly at the caked on dirt which seemed to cover her entirely from head to foot. Honestly, Joel could have at least taken a wet cloth to her face and feet. The water ran brown with the amount of dirt dried on her.

By the time Ellie had finished with her washing, her skin was akin to ice in temperature and it had turned red from her persistent hands. She dunked her head under the shower head and gave it a quick rinse before finally stepping out. But something was off.

Ellie looked down and noticed that her filthy clothes, which she had tossed carelessly onto the ground, were gone and a fresh outfit was laid out on the countertop with a clean towel. Joel had been in there, she realized. He was always scolding her for leaving her dirty clothes out and not cleaning up after herself.

Methodically, Ellie tried herself with the rough towel which smelled of nature and dressed accordingly. Two pairs of ripped jeans and a few shirts were all Ellie owned. Clothing was a communal resource in their community. Luckily, Ellie was the only minor living there so it was easy to get away with calling things "hers".

After dressing, Ellie did not leave the comfort of the tiny bathroom. She could hear Joel shuffling around outside the door and the thought of facing him made her quake. Joel had been her rock in many things and her savior. Ellie hated being the damsel in distress but it seemed whenever she tried to shake that title from her identity, it only caused trouble. Humiliation, she realized. That was what she felt. Humiliation because now, at sixteen years of age, she still depended on Joel to save her when the going got tough. She still expected him to be there when she woke up and to save her a plate of food at breakfast, she still expected him to lay out fresh clothes and clean up her messes, physical or otherwise.

Ellie shook her head and took to gazing at her reflection in the cracked mirror. Her face was disjointed and blurry, the fissures in the glass adding to the confusion and malformation of her identity. Ellie didn't know who she was. She understood that she was one thing. She was the cure.

The thought caused her to shiver and Ellie violently turned away from the mockery of the mirror. Yes, if nothing else, Ellie knew one thing about herself and that was that she was the cure for this unleashed hell on earth. That thought was an ever present haunting in her mind that seemed to be pushing its way forward with more persistence with each passing day. Ellie had forgiven Joel for his rash and emotional decision because deep down, Ellie didn't want to die. She talked big, claiming that she certainly would have gone under the knife and greeted death with a smile had it been up to her, but in her heart and in her head…Ellie knew that was not true at all.

Ellie feared death as did anyone who still held onto a sane mind. She didn't want to die and at the tender age of fourteen, she had been stone cold terrified of the idea that one day she may go to sleep forever. But now, with a bit of added maturity, Ellie understood that maybe it would have been better if Joel had not been so emotionally attached. If Joel had remained cold and untouchable, Ellie could have been the savior of the world. Ellie could have finally been the one doing the saving instead of the other way around.

"Ellie."

Ellie started at the soft call of her name, barely recognizing it as her own. She had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't even noticed Joel crack the door open and peek inside.

"Joel." She whispered back, fingers playing with the fringe of a hole in her jeans.

Joel's expression was blank but his eyes betrayed him. They sparkled with concern and Ellie took to staring at her feet; her bared, pale feet.

"Come out here for a moment. I want to talk to you."

His voice was smooth and soft as if he were trying to talk down a frightened animal. Ellie realized that was probably how she appeared and followed him out into the main area that the two had claimed as their own.

Joel groaned as he lowered himself down onto his mattress, indicating his sore joints. He'd made off handed comments about arthritis recently in his wrists and knees but Ellie hadn't paid it much mind as they had been sprinkled in between every day conversation, never being a main focal point. Joel never was one to complain, Ellie thought ruefully.

"Ellie, sit down." Joel motioned to the mattress adjacent to his own and Ellie obeyed, plopping herself down onto the lumpy cushion. "About yesterday-"

"I'd rather not talk about it." Ellie cut him off sharply.

Joel sighed and ran a calloused hand over his face. He was tired. "I know but we really have to. I just want to…to make sure that everything is…okay with you." He finished awkwardly. No matter how much their relationship had grown over the years, Joel still had a difficult having serious conversations with Ellie, especially on such a delicate topic.

Ellie allowed her teeth to gnaw on her bottom lip as she glanced over towards the boarded windows, observing how the streams of sunlight had dimmed slightly. Afternoon was drawing near.

"Ellie." Joel called when he noticed her attention had been diverted. "Please, talk to me."

Ellie flicked a pebble across the floor and sighed. "It was like…that time." She answered honestly. Ellie knew she didn't need to clarify which time she was referring to. With the way Joel's eyes flashed dangerously, she knew that he knew.

"Did they-"

"No." Ellie answered before he could even finish his question. She didn't want to hear the word. She didn't want to think about it.

Joel was silent. He seemed at a loss for words and Ellie took pity on him. She decided to ask a question of her own. "What did you do with them?"

Joel's disposition seemed to brighten slightly as the corner of his mouth jerked up into a half-smirk. "The partner got a bullet through the head and took a nice little sail down the river. The other one-" Joel paused and gazed at Ellie, seeming to gauge her reaction to the news. "-the other one-" he continued "received a generous beating courtesy of me and Tommy and was strung up out in the forest by his toes. Guess a bear got to him because when a group checked on him later, there were only a few pieces left."

Ellie shivered at the imagery but couldn't help the small satisfied smile which crept over her face. He'd gotten his just desserts, she thought. He deserved it, every bite and tear.

"Do you approve?" Joel asked after a moment of silence. "I know…I know I promised I wouldn't make any decisions without you again but…I lost my temper."

"No, I don't mind." Ellie responded, surprisingly herself with how serenely calm she sounded. "He deserved it. I don't think I could have come up with a better punishment myself."

Joel nodded and an easy quiet fell around them, encasing them in its comfort and security. For a long time, they stayed like that, in quiet, as the sun slowly crept across the sky and disappeared behind the horizon, leaving the pair in a comfortable darkness.

Finally, Ellie spoke. "I think…I mean…" She sighed in frustration. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm sorry you had to come save me."

The darkness successfully shielded Joel from Ellie's eyes and she wondered what exactly he was thinking when she received no response. Maybe he'd fallen asleep?

Just as Ellie was about to turn away and lay down herself, Joel spoke up.

"What are you apologizing for? It's my job to protect you." His voice was gruff and hard, leaving no room for argument.

Ellie argued anyway. "I'm sixteen years old. Most people my age are living on their own and fending for themselves. The military school I went to kicked us out at fifteen."

"Yeah, well this ain't no military school now, is it?" Joel brushed off her excuse. "We look out for each other here, no matter how old you are."

Ellie supposed that was true enough. "You're right." She conceded. "Sorry."

The two survivors once again settled into silence. It was the last time either of them spoke up that night. Ellie tucked herself under the thick wool which acted as a blanket in the chilly evenings. Curling under its protection, Ellie closed her eyes and listened to Joel's steady breaths as he slipped into sleep. Sometimes she envied Joel for his ability to fall asleep whenever he so chose. Years of hardening himself, not allowing the emotions to tear him apart or the nightmares to beat him down, led to this talent of his. Ellie hadn't quite developed it yet.

After tossing and turning, rustling around the thickness of the wool overlay, Ellie finally just took to staring at the ceiling in frustrated dismay. She could hear the faint chirping of crickets beyond the gray walls and the soft rustling of the night watch group. The sounds were all very familiar and soothing, like a balm on her burned soul.

Honestly, Ellie wasn't even concerned with those thugs anymore. They were dead and never coming back. Ellie quickly corrected herself that they weren't coming back in physical form. Surely they would join David in her dreams and terrorize her until she finally woke in a cold sweat and trembling.

But that wasn't even her main concern. They could haunt her for the rest of her life and Ellie didn't even worry too much on that. What she was really worried about was…where was she to go from here?

It was a question that Ellie didn't often find herself asking. In these times, you lived day by day and if you were lucky enough to make it through then you went to sleep content. Very few people ever made it to a stable point in their life now, stable enough to ask themselves…now what? Where do I go from here?

Rolling over to face Joel's slumbering body, Ellie stared at his thinly outlined silhouette and sighed. She didn't know the answer and she was positive that Joel would chuckle and tell her not to think about such nonsense if she were to ever ask him.

Turning away, Ellie finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.

XXXX

The next morning, the building was deathly silent again, despite the sun having clearly rose hours ago. Ellie pulled a jacket, as it was nearing autumn and the air began to develop a crisp edge to it, and for the first time in two days, exited her room.

Joel was already up and about, as his mattress had been empty when she awoke. She found him down in the mess hall, nibbling absently on a slice of bread with a contemplative look on his face. When he noticed her approaching, he gave her a weak grin.

"Hey kiddo." He greeted groggily as if he'd just woken up. "Wasn't expecting to see you up for another hour or so. Heard you tossing and turning all night last night."

Ellie blushed at the mention of her troubled sleep pattern but otherwise said nothing as she slid into her seat and began chewing on the end of a stale saltine. Joel watched her closely and caused Ellie to be on edge. Joel was always so observant even when he chose not make his discoveries vocal. Ellie knew that he was studying her face for any indication that she was uncomfortable or troubled. He must have found a flicker of doubt in her face because he got to his feet and rounded the sad cardboard table, and wrapped his massive self around her.

"You're alright now, baby." He whispered. "You're alright. I ain't ever going to let something like that happen to you again."

Ellie breathed in his scent and relaxed into his hold, grasping at the ends of his jacket as if he were her only lifeline in a sea of shame and fear. "Thanks Joel."

It was a tiny whisper, almost inaudible. But Joel heard it. He heard everything.

"You don't need to thank me." He answered gruffly, seeming almost embarrassed.

Ellie sighed and pulled away from the comforting cage that were Joel's arms. She wasn't a little girl anymore. "Where do we go from here, Joel?" She asked the pinching question which had been nipping at her mind the whole night. "What do we do now?"

Joel seemed surprised by her question. "We do what we've been doing. We survive."

Ellie stared at her roughened hands and allowed a small grin to crack on her face. "Yeah. Surviving. I think we've done pretty good so far."

Joel chuckled and returned to his make-shift seat across from the girl. Picking up his toast again, Joel began to eat with more enthusiasm.

Ellie followed suit, her grin sustaining the entire day.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaand that's a wrap! I worked relentlessly on this one-shot ever since The Last of Us came out (Yes, I'm a slow writer) and finally, it is complete. It may actually be the longest one-shot I've ever written so I hope you enjoyed it and will leave your thoughts in a review :)


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